Since childhood I have believed in miracles. Blame the early effect of Bollywood romantic flicks that dominated the screen in my teenage, I also happen to be a romantic at heart.
When my college and school friends dreamed of a prince charming with good looks to kill and a body to die for and riches to sweep you off your feet, I (almost always) secretly admired the most intelligent boy of the class. That nerd in spectacles who always raised his hand for every question and that short height, skinny, tight lipped boy who quietly walked towards the board to teach a science lesson or two to the whole class. This has been one of the very few constant things in my life – a crush on people who are intelligent. And mind you, here intelligence is purely academic.
The first thing that always impressed me about a boy was ‘what he spoke’ and not ‘how he spoke’.
My fascination with intelligence only grew further and more so after I couldn’t clear any of the dreaded entrance examinations (I never wrote GMAT because I was sure I would not score good). But at the same time, I was determined on one thing – make a living of my own!
I won numerous prizes in various speech, debates and writing competitions but I was a failure in science. Somehow managed to do engineering and since mine was just an average college, I now struggled for a job.
I wrote a job exam and I cleared it. It sure gave surprises to many but these many did not know the story behind it.
Not many know that along side my engineering, I used to give tuitions. I loved (still do) teaching. I was teaching physics to SS2 and science to JAMB students. This had greatly improved my analytical skills and I could clear Job's entrance exam.
Call it whatever, I could see my results only after a fortnight. Why? Because a close friend of mine who knew my email password had changed my password without my knowledge so that I couldn’t login. Thankfully, I managed to change it again (this time without her knowledge) and responded to Job's employment letter on time.
In a time when men tried all their tricks and gimmicks to impress me with their money, jobs, onsite assignments etc, here was a man, a self-made man, who had no qualms about accepting that he was at a zero. This man was the most truthful person I had known. He was more honest than me.
Like I said, I always valued ‘what a person spoke’, I was floored by David even though I didn’t like the way he said that.
Slowly and steadily, I began to fall in love with David, who was already in love with me. He proposed one day and I readily accepted.
When I said yes to him, I had forgotten about myself. My world and my career. It was only him in my mind.
When we got engaged, I faced the question – what about my career. We could have worked it out. I was drawing a hefty salary and David’s job gave him the liberty to travel often. But I couldn’t stand the thought of staying away from him even for a few days, let alone weeks at a stretch.
This was the love I had been waiting for. This was the intelligence I always sought and now that I could have it, I wouldn’t let it go for a monotonous, richly paying job. The love in his eyes and the stability in his words was enough for me to be happy.
I quit my job and thus I left my newly started career.
Can you guess that I am still friends with her? Can you believe that she does not know that I know she broke into my inbox even after 10 years of the incident?! If you have any questions about this, my only answer is – smiles
My job gave me the wings that I needed to fly. My career soared and I only dreamt higher. I wrote GMAT and went to Netherlands for my MBA. After a 30% tuition fee off scholarship, I still couldn’t afford their studies so I declined the admission letter.
A week later, the director of the institute wrote to me personally that they didn’t want to lose on a candidate like me and they offered me a 50% off scholarship. I joined the course.
I got an offer from a marketing firm in Netherlands but I left it to come back to Nigeria as my family needed me more here. My parents were badly worried about me and my sister’s marriage. A hunt for a suitable groom (two grooms infact) was on and I was repeatedly saying no to everyone.
That is when David’s proposal came my way. I didn’t want to marry an ARMY officer in the fear of letting my career go. So I said no. On my father’s insistence, I agreed to talk to him.
In my first-ever telephonic conversation with David, I told him one thing upright. I said, ‘I can not take a decision like this in one meeting or in a matter of few days. I am looking for a connection with my partner and I need to feel it. It may take months or weeks. If I say no to you, can you please tell my father that you didn’t like me? For I can’t dare to say a no to anyone anymore.’ David agreed.
In the same conversation, something struck me about David. He said, ‘I do not have anything to offer to my wife right now. I have no bank balance and no property but I have the determination. I have the will to create a new world for my family on my own. I will start from zero. I am at zero right now but I know I will soon rise high.’
I was impressed. I was in awe. I knew this man is different.
In a time when men tried all their tricks and gimmicks to impress me with their money, jobs, onsite assignments etc, here was a man, a self-made man, who had no qualms about accepting that he was at a zero. This man was the most truthful person I had known. He was more honest than me.
Like I said, I always valued ‘what a person spoke’, I was floored by David even though I didn’t like the way he said that.
Slowly and steadily, I began to fall in love with David, who was already in love with me. He proposed one day and I readily accepted.
When I said yes to him, I had forgotten about myself. My world and my career. It was only him in my mind.
When we got engaged, I faced the question – what about my career. We could have worked it out. I was drawing a hefty salary and David’s job gave him the liberty to travel often. But I couldn’t stand the thought of staying away from him even for a few days, let alone weeks at a stretch.
This was the love I had been waiting for. This was the intelligence I always sought and now that I could have it, I wouldn’t let it go for a monotonous, richly paying job. The love in his eyes and the stability in his words was enough for me to be happy.
I quit my job and thus I left my newly started career.
Everyone seemed surprise. After I landed in Nigeria, I was surprised too about how could I let everything go like this, at the snap of a finger. I did get many opportunities post marriage – a fellowship in the US, a job assignment in Australia and a PHD call in a UK University. But I always chose my marriage over everything else
Not that I have left everything behind and not that I am advocating quitting your job for marriage. My marriage has liberated me. I do things that I love doing. I write. I blog. I earn by taking up small time writing assignments. I am studying Psychology (something I always wanted to do). I received an invitation to appear as guest to talk about arranged marriage in a US talk show. And I am doing all this while sitting in an over spacious house surrounded by sea on one end and lush green trees on the other and located about 250 kms away from the capital city of Ebonyi.
I am writing this post from somewhere, where on an average we get net connection for about 4 days in a week and where the net is so slow that its been ages since I last connected to Facebook. I can’t watch a youtube video for it never buffers. I can’t read Psychology Today, my favorite website, for it never opens up. I haven’t watched a movie in last 1.5 years as there is no theatre here. Last June was when I went to mainland. I have become a master in DIYs and natural therapy as necessity is the mother of invention and we do not get half of the things here including a decent medical treatment.
From a foreign MBA holder, I am now a MA in Psychology candidate from IGNOU. I will soon write my 2nd year exams but I will have to travel to mainland for the practicals for they do not conduct practicals here.
I rely on internet shopping and only through the sites that ship through Postal Service. I juggle with keeping my toddler good company in lack of any sort of company for her, let alone a play school or a school. Whenever someone comes here from mainland, my only requirement is some fresh fruits. Yeah, we do not get fresh fruits and veggies here.
People, and particularly the ones who live in metros, often tell me that I am lucky to live in Ebonyi. What they terribly forget is that they can live here too if they wish to. The administration here struggles extremely hard to call specialist doctors for even a week’s visit to these remote places like mine. Even though they are heavily compensated, they hate living in Ebonyi. People love visiting on vacation, but they would not stay here for a day if they have to live here which is why the place lacks in amenities.
We recently had some engineers come over from Deloitte for a software upgrade for local administration and the engineers badly wanted to run away even without data gathering. They had explored Ebonyi in first few days of their visit and now that it was time for them to work here, they didn’t like it.
But I still love it. I love Ebonyi so much so that I also run a blog on Ebonyi. We got our transfer orders in August but we are still here. We haven’t even bothered to ask for a relieve. We are quite happy here.
How can I love it?
Many reasons –
I have chosen this life for myself and I only know what I want the most for myself.
This life, despite having its own cons, has its many pros as well.
In this slow and serene place, we get plenty of quality time to spend with each other.
I do not have any peer pressure on myself and I live my life my way without being bothered about the trends or the technology.
I love being happy. I have an addiction for love. I need to love my life to be able to live it.
Not just my life, each one of ours life is a story. A story of the choices that we have made. If you want a different story for your life, make a different choice.
Source: Womanatics
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